My husband, S and I met while working together at a little restaurant in coastal Maine. We had a whirlwind romance and were married less then a year after meeting. It was the best impulse decision of my life. We were married in July of 1999 and each day I fall deeper in love with this man.
One of the reasons why I fell so hard and fast for this guy was the way he spoke to the children who came into the restaurant. He would scootch down beside a table, look a kid in the eye, and talk to him like he was the only person in the room. I just knew part of my purpose in life was to have a family with this man.
So we began trying for this family right off the bat. And we got pregnant just as fast. While I knew I wanted kids, I was overwhelmed at how quickly it all happened. So in the middle of my elation mingled with undeniable fear and dread, I started to miscarry. We lost our first baby at nine weeks. I can't tell you how guilty I felt. I am so thankful for the sound council I got from my pastor's wife and from my mother who helped me let go destructive thoughts.
Except for a very brief hiatus from "trying," S and I have spent the last eight years attempting pregnancy. In the meantime, I finished my degree in education, he became a police officer, we bought a house, and adopted a yellow Labrador we named Luke. We also miscarried two more times.
Through the years, we have purchased countless pregnancy tests, taken herbs and vitamins, hormones, given over 50 vials of blood, had many ultrasounds, and one VERY painful die-filled x-ray. Everything keeps coming up "normal." Reassuring and immensely frustrating at the same time.
We are still seeing a medical specialist, but also gathering information on adoption. Through domestic or international adoption or through hormones and IVF, I believe that our home was meant for children. It will happen. Welcome to our journey.